Perhaps the first thing we start looking for is how to get our spouse or children to change. The change we want, of course, is from "bad" behavior to "good" behavior, from "bad" decisions to "good" decisions. Another problem, however, is we want the change to happen "NOW!"Certainly we want members of our family to create "coping skills" in addressing relationships and challenges in life appropriately. Obviously, when it is applicable, we wish for them to not rely on mood-altering substances as alcohol and illegal use of drugs. But if we "force" such change in our own anger and frustration, then we "rob" our loved one of the opportunity and integrity to "own" and "experience" that change on behalf of their own volition and effort.
Our responsibility is to love, forgive, but also absolutely not "Rescue" the loved one from experiencing the full blunt of his or her consequences. Actually, it must not matter to you which way they decide. Only then, will that one be free to look square in the face of what he or she is doing to cause those consequences.
Today's Reminder
I know I love my family, but from now on I will remember that true love is not insisting that another change and mature based on when "I" think they should. The only growth I have ever experienced, has always been in the midst of receiving some element of patience and forgiveness from both some person, as well as from God.
"Lord, help me trust that there is something in my loved one that wants to change, and let me remember that You are great enough to facilitate that change."
[Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]
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