*September 12th*

When friends, neighbors or relatives undertake to give advice it is important to remember that it should be limited to "helping in terms of spiritual growth." There is danger in going beyond this and advising "action to be taken." None of us have the right to do this.

Sometimes a frustrated neurotic gives advice that stirs up hostility between a man and wife. He or she may make the situation much worse by justifying the husband's or wife's resentment. Promoting such resentments can have serious consequences. So, too, can urging one or the other to "stand-up-for-your-rights" or "not-to-allow-this-or that!" The unhealthy "helper", this way, receives unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while thinking his or her intentions are only good.

Today's Reminder
Heaven protect me from my good friends, who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.

"We must not be easy in giving credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

(Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI)