*October 8th*

You can help yourself, no matter how great your burdens and troubles are. You might think: "Easy to say, but you don't know what "I'm" going through!"

Applying a little sensible realism to this, let me ask myself whether I'm not building up trifles into monstrosities that "seem" unbearable. Most of us do, at some time or other. We may magnify disagreements about money for instance. We expand minor slights into huge grievances. Without realizing it, we're looking for trouble and are ready to fasten onto little things that we could easily pass over if we really wanted our own peace of mind.

Today's Reminder
If I don't make big problems out of little ones, I can save myself much grief. Fighting for my "rights" often creates more difficulty than accepting less than I expect. If I really value my serenity, I will avoid making big issues out of small ones. Giving in, and letting go, becomes easier as I practice it, and it pays big dividends in my own inner satisfaction.

"Why are you troubled because things do not succeed with you according to your desire? Who is there who has all things according to his will? Neither I, nor you, nor any man upon earth."
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 7th*

We hear many warnings against harboring resentment. It is a rare person who does not yield to resentment when he or she feels wronged by someone. We can resent our fate, our bad luck, our lot in life.

No amount of self-discipline can heal us of resentment. Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, resentment gains its very strength from our struggle. Resentment sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil.

We know it's destructive; we may earnestly want to free ourselves from it. What can we do?

First we think of our own personal good. Does it hurt the person we are resenting? Or does it hurt us? Then we reflect that this damaging combination of emotion and bad logic, comes from "not understanding its cause." Let's dissect it and find out what, inside us, gives resentment its overwhelming power.

Today's Reminder
I have no room for resentment in my life. I will not fight it with grim determination. Instead I will pull back from this impulse, "Easy does it", and give no place to resenting one day at a time in God's strength. ... The best antidote for resentment is the continual practice of gratitude."

"Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely than the passion of resentment." (Friedrick Nietzsche)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 6th*

Sometimes we each can appear that we have our thoughts, our emotions, our "lives" in order. But it can happen that others can see rather quickly that this smugness can be only "skin deep." The test is when we are crossed, disappointed or annoyed. The real untamed faults will then come through, and in our anger, we might not recognize the wrong in ourselves.

When we make only superficial changes in the way we cope in the world, and give only ardent lip service to what we learn, our progress is slow and our return to old ways are many. The regeneration we seek must involve true spiritual change. Change that must run deep, with each character flaw inside us replaced by a new and good quality.

Today's Reminder
I must be completely honest with myself in uncovering the faults which hamper my decisions, my behavior, and my spiritual growth. One by one, watchfully and painstakingly, I will replace them with constructive coping skills and attitudes.

"Men imagine they communicate their virtue - only by overt actions and words. They do not see that virtue, or its opposite, emits a breath at every moment."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Self-Reliance")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 5th*

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

When I say the Serenity Prayer over and over, I could fall into the habit of merely parroting the words without being aware of their meaning. If I "think" of the meaning of each phrase, my understanding will grow, and along with it, my capability to realize "the difference between what I can change and what I cannot."

The prayer states first that there are elements in my life which I have no power to change. That my serenity depends upon my accepting these elements, and that the more I fight them, the more they will torment me. "Courage to change the things I can" gives me unlimited freedom to work on those elements which are under my control, and of my utmost concern.

Today's Reminder
The Serenity Prayer suggests I ask God for "courage to change the ‘things' I can." The word is "things", not "people". True, there is much room for improvement in my life, but it can come only from changing my own attitudes and actions for the better.

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 4th*

I have only one person's guilt to carry. My own. If my spouse or child blames me for difficulties they are going through, I will not accept that blame, but I will not defend myself either, for that would only start fruitless battle. I know my spouse or child needs to blame me because of a painful need to unload remorse on someone else. My remembering this should generate only compassion for them in me, not resentment and anger."

Someone else may respond: "I wish I could believe that! When my family member gets through telling me off, I feel as though the devil were sitting on my back with fifty pound lead weight in each pocket!"

Today's Reminder
There is no need for me to accept blame for another person's irrational actions. I will deal with my own shortcomings. If I do this honestly, the change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine.

"Let me weigh my misdeeds on an honest scale and make restitution as well as I can. But let not the scale be unbalanced by the weight of what others have done."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 3rd*

When my spirit is in turmoil and my troubled thoughts race around and around, and I try to "reason myself" out of this frame of mind, it may be well to "stop reasoning" and hold fast to an idea that speaks of quietness and peace. That is: "Keep it simple and live with faith in the moment."

Probably there is nothing I can do now, this minute, this hour, this day, to solve the problem that is gnawing at my peace of mind. Then to what purpose do I torment myself?

I will stop depending solely on my own reasoning to solve things that are too great for me. I will not rehash, over and over, thoughts so bitter that they can make me feel physically ill in doing so. I will empty my mind of all this perplexity, and hold to just one simple thought, while I wait for God's guidance.

Today's Reminder
The things that trouble me are often too complex to yield to human reasoning. Indeed their reality may only be a creation of my confused thoughts. When I reach such an impasse, and I remind myself to "Keep it simple and live with faith in the moment." I know then I will find myself restored to composure.

"Under the shadow of Thy wing shall be my refuge until this tyranny pass." (Book of Common Prayer)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*October 2nd*

Wanting to know why my spouse or children do the things they do, is "an itch for which there is no scratch!"

Some of us never get over trying to "figure things out." Sometimes, left to ourselves, we will absolutely "think-things-to-death!" Some how we believe, if we can only put our index finger precisely on the one reason for our family's immature behavior, the problem of that behavior will simply vanish away.

What is important, however, and within our God-given powers to figure out, is what "we" are doing that confuses and complicates life. When we discover this, and do something to change it, what will vanish will be a good number of "our own" troubles.

Today's Reminder
May I be the kind of husband or wife I need to be to my spouse. I wish to find what is good in others, and be quick to acknowledge it. May God help me to truly be a parent to my children, for my children will never have another father or mother but me. I will both love my children, yet see that they will experience, completely, the consequences of their own poor decision-making. This, and God's grace, will be sufficient to help them mature into healthy adults. In addition, I will refrain from burdening my family with unaswerable questions like "Why do you do the things you do!!!"

"Leave off that excessive desire of knowing; therein is found much distraction. There are many things the knowledge of which is of little or no profit to the soul."
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]