*October 1st*

Few of us are entirely free from a sense of guilt. We may be remorseful because of our words or actions or for things left undone. We may even feel guilty because of irrational or false accusations by someone acting selfishly in our family.

Yet, when I am troubled by a feeling of guilt, I cannot put into my day all I am capable of doing. I must rid myself of this guilt, not by pushing it inside, but by identifying the reason for it, and correcting the cause.

Free of this weight, I can put my all into my day's work and spiritual growth. Then I will have something worthwhile to give others, instead of concentrating on my own frustrations.

Today's Reminder
I will refuse to be troubled by an uneasy sense of guilt. I will track my feelings of guilt to its source, then make good any harm I have done. I will be most careful not to whitewash such feelings with self-justification and self-righteousness. That would only hamper everything I am trying to accomplish for the good of myself and others

"Keep yourself first in peace and then you will be able to bring others to peace. Have, therefore, a zeal in the first place over yourself ...".

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue MA, MFTI]

*September 30th*

Once there was a man whose beloved wife was transformed from the charming girl he had married into a sodden drunkard.

He was always angry and frustrated because he couldn't make her stop drinking. The more he tried, the worse she felt about it, thus, the more she drank. She was full of guilt and self-reproach because she left everything to him. He had to get the children ready for school, do the shopping, cook meals and clean house.

Then one day somebody told him about Al-Anon and other groups that give support in intervention. Although he felt his case was hopeless, he thought he'd try it anyway. As he read, asked question, and listened at meetings, he found he could get some perspective on his problems.

He stopped blaming himself for not being able to control his wife. He realized the children resented him because he was often cross and unreasonable, and that they loved their mama because she never scolded and they knew instinctively she was sick.

The husband and father began to consider his own needs for rest, quiet, and a bit of recreation. He arranged to have a housekeeper take over the home chores. He made many changes, but especially in his attitude toward his alcoholic wife.

After a spell of rebellion and resistance, she saw that she would have to get help.

(Note: This story, in all its aspects, has absolute relevance to how we respond in a healthy way to all dysfunctional family members in the Parent Team Intervention Program.)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Dat At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 29th*

The time I spend in reviewing the past, mourning over past mistakes and failures, is time lost. Our yesterdays have no importance except as experience in making today fruitful. ... Regrets and self-condemnation for what we did or left undone, only destroy the self-esteem we could derive from a "balanced" view of ourselves.

Today's Reminder
Regrets for hurtful things I have done to others may be healed by making amends as well as I can. Feeling bad for missed opportunities will vanish as I try to make wise choices today. Let me fill this one day with thoughts and actions that will lead me to have no need for regret. Let me undertake only as much as I can accomplish well, without haste or tension.

"Just for today, I will live through this one day only and not tackle all my problems at once. Those of the past need not concern me today; future problems can be faced at they arise."

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
(Book of Matthew)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 28th*

Perhaps the first thing we start looking for is how to get our spouse or children to change. The change we want, of course, is from "bad" behavior to "good" behavior, from "bad" decisions to "good" decisions. Another problem, however, is we want the change to happen "NOW!"

Certainly we want members of our family to create "coping skills" in addressing relationships and challenges in life appropriately. Obviously, when it is applicable, we wish for them to not rely on mood-altering substances as alcohol and illegal use of drugs. But if we "force" such change in our own anger and frustration, then we "rob" our loved one of the opportunity and integrity to "own" and "experience" that change on behalf of their own volition and effort.

Our responsibility is to love, forgive, but also absolutely not "Rescue" the loved one from experiencing the full blunt of his or her consequences. Actually, it must not matter to you which way they decide. Only then, will that one be free to look square in the face of what he or she is doing to cause those consequences.

Today's Reminder
I know I love my family, but from now on I will remember that true love is not insisting that another change and mature based on when "I" think they should. The only growth I have ever experienced, has always been in the midst of receiving some element of patience and forgiveness from both some person, as well as from God.

"Lord, help me trust that there is something in my loved one that wants to change, and let me remember that You are great enough to facilitate that change."

[Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 27th*

A person once said, "I tried to manage my husband's life, although not even able to manage my own. I wanted to get inside his brain and turn the screws in what I thought was the right direction. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my job. I just wasn't equipped for it. None of us are. So I began to turn the screws "in my own head" in the right direction. This has taught me a little more about managing my own life."

How this applies to being a parent is, you must be a parent who teachs your children accountability and responsible by their experiencing reasonable and certain consequences for poor decisions. This includes stopping the habit of asking them in frustration "why" they do the things they do.

Today's Reminder
If my life feels like it's becoming unmanageable, how can I get control? Am I being forced into doing things I don't want to do? If so, this will result in my losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them. My spouse and children will change and grow to higher levels of maturity, but possibly not at the precise moment I wish them too!

An honest effort to manage my own life will open many doors to me that my distorted thinking had kept closed.

"If you cannot make yourself such a one as you wish to be, how can you expect to change another to what you wish them to be?"
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 26th*

The great danger of allowing resentment in our minds and hearts is that it often leads to retaliation. We feel justified in "evening up the score" and "paying others back" for what they have done to us.

But how can I logically punish someone for what he or she did to me when I cannot fathom the motives of another person? Maybe the hurt was not intended. Possibly I am over-sensitive. Either way, the behavior is the other person's and not mine. It is said that we remedy our wrongs of the past by overlooking the wrongs of others in the present. Only then, when we are right, can we continue to hold truth in the right way.

Today's Reminder
When I make my decisions to act in response to others, it is vital that I do so absent out-of-control frustration and anger. The occasion of judgment is for God alone. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." Therefore any attempt at retaliation for an injury can only produce poor circumstances for me.

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments. There are only consequences." (Robert G. Ingersoll)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 25th*

Someone once said, "The hardest thing for me to learn is to stop imagining that I can figure out why my spouse or children act the way they do. I catch myself automatically jumping to conclusions about their motives. I know in my heart that I can't read their minds, and that whatever I believe they are thinkingis all wrong. Even at their worst moments, the times when I'm exasperated to the point of fury, how can I know what each member of my family really wishes to do if they only knew how?"

Nobody but God understands what goes on inside another human being. Let's not try to "play God" to our troubled family when those in our family are hurt, confused and even angry. Let's not examine them as we would a bug under a microscope. I always want to remember that every human being must be respected for his or her own individuality, no matter how battered their sense of self might be at times.

Today's Reminder
I will, today and from now on, examine my own role in all my confusion and despair. If I do this honestly, I will come to realize that I am not blameless, that there is much to be changed in me.

"How can another think the way I think, or do just what I would do?
(I will remember, day by day, ‘My love, I am not you!')"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 24th*

We can get unlimited benefits from changing our way of thinking, changing the way we cast blame and argue. Indeed this is not an easy task. Actually, there is nothing more difficult in life.

"May we no longer blame others." ... This one idea could be explored and meditated from now until the end of our days. What would happen if we did this? We would experience miracles of tolerance and grace. Rich spiritual rewards, reflected in a life of real fulfillment.

Today's Reminder
I will purpose to no longer preoccupy my mind with blaming thoughts of others. How can I know what another is going through in his or her struggle with ever-present escapes? How can I know of another's efforts to improve? I will not blame the other person. I will not blame anyone. I will not blame myself.

"Who is to blame? Whom have I the right to blame? Let me concentrate on keeping my own conduct from being at fault. I cannot do more than this."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 23rd*

One of our delusions is that we, as spouses and parents, in a secret state of resentment, "run the show." This form of self-deception can only increase our frustrations, as well as the frustrations of our families. It makes the home a battleground in which our family members who are truly wrong in their behaviors, have the best chance of winning every encounter in ways that are unhealthy. We are often outwitted by lightening changes of mood, false promises, challenges to our statements and manipulations. This is the best reason for detaching our minds and our emotions from the minute-by-minute conflict, and seeking a peaceful, orderly way of life within ourselves.

If we stop fighting every incident that happens, absence of an active adversary is bound to bring about wholesome changes in the home environment and everyone in it.

Today's Reminder
I will not try to outwit or outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not "react" to challenging words and actions.

"When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."
(Epictetus)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 22nd*

When I concentrate on little things that annoy me, and they sprout resentments that grow bigger and bigger, I seem to forget how I could be "stretching" my world and broadening my perspective. That's the way to shrink troubles down to their real size.

Worrying about trifles saps my spiritual energy which I could certainly put to better use. Am I willing to waste my life in this way?

When something or somebody is giving me trouble, let me see the incident "in relation to the rest of my life", especially the part that is good, and for which I should be grateful. A wider view of my circumstances will make me better able to deal with all difficulties, big and small.

Today's Reminder
I refuse to let my serenity be drowned out by happenings that are in themselves unimportant. I will not be made uneasy by what others do, whether they intend to hurt me or not. I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentment. Doing so would not profit me, but worse, only hurt me in the end.

"Why do we accept things that trouble us, when we could do something about them, sometimes even with surprising ease?"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationship by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 21st*

What is the greatest hindrance to my achieving peace of mind? "DETERMINATION" - The grim resolve that I can actually "do something" about "anything", or sometimes "everything." This whole feeling of tightening up, preparing for battle, can defeat my real purposes in my relationships in my family and with my friends. Over and over I learn I must learn to "let go." It will do nothing constructive for me if I retaliate for injuries I suffer. I am not empowered by God to "even up" scores and make others "pay for what they've done to me." I will learn to relax my stubborn grip on all the details of my sufferings and allow the solutions to unfold by themselves.

Today's Reminder
I am only a small cog in all that goes on in the world. My trying to run things the way I insist is doomed to fail. Peace of mind comes in not controlling things that happen around me with my own sheer will. Only then will I have time to count the blessings I can be thankful for, as well as work on my shortcomings while enjoying each moment as it comes.

"What hurt could it do thee if thou wouldst let it pass and make no account of it? Could it even so much as pluck one hair from thy head?"
(Thomas A'Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 20th*

If irrational and irresponsible behavior on the part of a spouse or child has betrayed us into assuming an attitude of contempt, some serious examination of ourselves is in order.

Our family members are not "terrible people" with no sensitivity or good inside them. Troubling behavior may signal sick, confused and guilt-ridden human beings with badly battered egos.

God has given no one the right to humiliate another. In every one of His children there are qualities that should command our respect, and to withhold it is a wrong that will return to wound us.

Today's Reminder
It is vital to my serenity to separate in my mind the confused behavior from the person who suffers from it. I will dignify him or her with the respect which is everyone's due. This, in turn, will give my family the self-esteem that each deserves, and assist each to the best extent to make good decisions and act in ways that are appropriate.

"The surest plan to make a ‘man' a ‘man' is; ‘Think him so.'"

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Alanon
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 19th*

I have much more to be grateful for than I realize. Too often I don't remember to give thought to all the things in my life that I could enjoy and appreciate.

Perhaps I don't take time for this important meditation because I'm too preoccupied with my woes. I allow my mind to keep filled with grievances, and the more I think of them, the bigger they loom. Instead of surrendering to God and His goodness, I let myself be controlled by the negative thinking into which my thoughts are apt to stray unless I guide them firmly into brighter paths.

Today's Reminder
A period of meditation, every day, is necessary to emotional and spiritual development. If I meditate on what is good in my life, it will increase day by day and crowd out the self-pity and resentment over what I lack and what is hurting me. Suddenly I will find myself able to use God's help in managing my life in order and serenity.

"God has given us the faculties by which we are able to bear what comes to pass without being crushed or depressed thereby. Why then do we sit and moan and groan, blind to the Giver, making no acknowledgment to Him, but giving ourselves to complaints?" (Epictetus)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 18th*

Many of us become preoccupied with changing others in our family. However, what about when the first hint of change begins to happen in our family member, are we "ready" for this change? The point is, we have ourselves to change, and, by good fortune, the changes we make can so improve the environment we live in.

We may think our problems are solved once our child develops vital coping skills, a good attitude and so on. We might believe our lives will be happy when our spouse stops some annoying habit. Yet, interestingly, this is seldom the case.

Today's Reminder
Emotional disturbance is one cause for poor decisions and misbehavior of those we live with. I will remember that when I am "right" in a matter, I will be right the "right way." If I am right the "wrong way", then my wrong is a greater wrong than the one I am criticizing.

"God, you are my strength. Give me this strength at times when I need it."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 17th*

Have I the courage to face up to the problems that are happening in my family? Can I believe that my situation is "not" really hopeless, and that I am capable of improving it? Can I keep myself cheerful when everything seems to be leading me to despair?

The answers "could" be YES, if, regardless of the circumstances, I refuse to feel guilty when exercising my proper role as spouse and parent. Also, I can overcome my hopelessness by opening my eyes to the troubles other people live with, so often much worse than mine. I can bring myself to a brighter view of life if I avoid the habit of feeling sorry for myself. (Despair is often a mask for self-pity.)

Today's Reminder
I will practice three things each day:
1) I will stop enabling (or being a crutch) to the family member who is being a problem.
2) I will not let myself concentrate on things in the most negative way possible.
3) I will remind myself that self-respect can relieve me of the need for pity.

"... in quietness and in confidence shall be our strength. ..."
(Book of Common Prayer)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 16th*

Having lived through more trouble than we felt we deserved, some of us turned our backs on God, determined to go our own way under our own power. This is like a child who walks into a dark room and refuses to turn on the light. When he stumbles and hurts himself, is the darkness to blame? If we are going somewhere, and we reject the power of a train or a car to take us there, whose fault is it that our arrival is so long delayed?

When we are faced with the perplexities of our relationships with our spouse and children, and try to deal with those perplexities on our own, we are stubbornly refusing the help that could be ours in a Parent Team meeting, as well as others in our support network. Whose fault is it, then, when things get worse instead of better?

Today's Reminder
When I am confronted with a problem, I will calmly search out the most intelligent means of solving it. I will use the means that have helped so many others with problems like mine. The Parent Team program, and these readings, will be my daily guide, leading me out of confusion into peacefulness.

"Unless I love my martyrdom and cling to it, I need not be alone in freeing myself from whatever troubles me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anln"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 15th*

A good way to "get out from under" some of our daily problems is to stop "reacting" to everything that occurs. Some of us have a constant drive to do "something" about everything that someone says to us.

There is a time to act, of course. But the action should be based on careful thinking out of the factors. It should not be triggered by every wind that blows. When something displeases us, it isn't a threat to our lives, our safety, or anything important. If we keep it in perspective, it will help us to "let it go."

Today's Reminder
I will try to overcome my tendency to react to what people say or do. I can't know why they do it, because I cannot understand their inner unhappiness and compulsions, any more than they can understand mine. When I "react", I put the control of my peace of mind in the hands of others. My serenity is under "my" control, and I will not relinquish it for trivial occurrences.

"I pray for the tolerance and the wisdom to avoid reacting to what other people say and do."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 14th*

When greatly harming quarrels take place in the home, members of the family fail to realize that their intense involvement with each other can destroy what should be sacred relationships. With those who are closest to us, we are most apt to forget the consideration we owe to one another. Yet, in our counseling, assignments, and the Parent Team meetings we attend, we learn that we can set a new tone in the home by such a simple thing as courtesy, - a consistent, gentle courtesy, to every member of the family, including the littlest one.

Today's Reminder
A quiet, composed response to an enraged attack can "take-the-wind-out-of-the-sails" of the attacker like so much magic. What can I possibly lose by trying it? At least it will add to my own dignity and stature to say nothing I will later regret.

"Of Courtesy: it is much less
Than courage of heart or holiness.
Yet in my walks it seems to me
That the grace of God is in Courtesy."
(Hilaire Belloc: "Courtesy")

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 13th*

Once upon a time there was a family who lived in a beautiful house. The family had lots of the material things that many people think are important for contentment. The family, however, was not contented. With one misunderstanding and another, the situation grew worse and worse. Nobody would give way an inch in their bitter arguments, until at last the family's love turned to hate. Finally certain ones in the family insisted that inside the house they would build brick walls to divide other family members. Each went his and her own way, and each never spoke to the others again as long as they lived. The family had many wretched years in their isolation.

Today's Reminder
Am I unknowingly building walls between myself and the people in my family? Are the walls being made of stubbornness, self-will, self-righteousness and a desire to punish? Such walls can be as hard and unyielding as though they were made of real bricks. It would leave me no space in which to grow.

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into walls, such walls as cannot be penetrated even by love."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 12th*

When friends, neighbors or relatives undertake to give advice it is important to remember that it should be limited to "helping in terms of spiritual growth." There is danger in going beyond this and advising "action to be taken." None of us have the right to do this.

Sometimes a frustrated neurotic gives advice that stirs up hostility between a man and wife. He or she may make the situation much worse by justifying the husband's or wife's resentment. Promoting such resentments can have serious consequences. So, too, can urging one or the other to "stand-up-for-your-rights" or "not-to-allow-this-or that!" The unhealthy "helper", this way, receives unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while thinking his or her intentions are only good.

Today's Reminder
Heaven protect me from my good friends, who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.

"We must not be easy in giving credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

(Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI)

*September 11th*

Occasionally in discussions I hear talk of grievances and fights between family members. It can be descriptions of arguments with spouses as well as with kids. One person put it like this: "I've often wondered when I start a battle in my home, how I'd feel if somebody were recording what I was saying, and the tone of voice I was using to say it. I'd be screeching and shouting. I'd bring up all my weapons of sarcasm and lash out." ... "Wouldn't I feel pretty cheap if I could ‘hear myself' being played back?" ... "Wouldn't it give me some idea of my part in my family's problems!"

Note that the word "sarcasm" comes from the Greek for "tearing of flesh."

Please, please, let us "listen to ourselves" and see if it doesn't help us cool off!"

Today's Reminder
I will from now on take note of how disagreements start in my home. If I am the instigator, this is the first thing I will try to correct in myself. If I am challenged by an angry person, I will respond quietly or not at all.

"A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs)

*September 10th*

Again I ask myself the same question as yesterday. "What am I doing with what I have?" This question can be applied in many ways. Take for instance the ability to remember. If I have been given the gift of a good, clear memory, how do I use it?

It isn't likely that God conferred this gift on me for the purpose of dredging up old wrongs, injured feelings, futile regrets and personal sufferings. That would clearly be a misuse of this gift He gave me, when I have so many pleasant and satisfying things to remember!

Today's Reminder
What am I doing with this precious ability to recall what happened in the past? If I use it to remember enjoyments and interesting experiences, it will give me a saving perspective on the problems I am encountering in each moment when each moment happens. I can also use the gift of memory for storing up today's blessings to give me strength and insight for challenges that will come in the future.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things." (Philippians)

*September 9th*

Here's an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself: "What am I doing with what I've got?" ... Instead of crying over what I don't have, and wishing my life were different, "what am I doing with what I've got?"

Am I sure I'm doing everything possible to make my life a success? Am I using my capabilities well, to help others who also have needs? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?

Actually, I am the possessor of unlimited resources that have been given to me. The more I do with them, the more they will grow, to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful aspects that now get so much of my attention.

Today's Reminder
Isn't my life full of potential good that I'm not using? Couldn't I bring it to fruition by changing my attitude? As a beginning, I will apply liberal amounts of gratitude for even my littlest advantages and pleasures. When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.

"God give me power within me to be grateful for all the good things I have been taking for granted."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 8th*

We who have chosen our life partners from the ranks of people who have suffered abuse and acted in ways that are harmful in their lives, often feel our lives in turn are especially difficult and complicated. Often our situations are further complicated with children who are unruly as well. We come to believe, quite mistakenly, that we're the only people in the world with real trouble! Let us recognize that the one doing wrong in our lives, be it a husband, a wife or a child, is, in that behavior, insecure, lonely, and often too sensitive to life's realities. - Usually he or she has many endearing qualities to appreciate. Indeed, many of us wouldn't want to exchange these, our family members, for a less interesting person in their place!

Today's Reminder
In the counseling, teaching, videos and meetings I'm experiencing, I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use what I am learning, not to "be better" than the people around me, but to use what I am learning to focus on overcoming my own distorted ideas and attitudes. If I can bring sunshine into my home, it cannot fail to positively affect those in it.

"God, help me to use the gifts You have given me. I want to use them to help others through making my own world better and brighter."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 7th*

We should not come to the Parent Team intervention and counseling meetings to look for pity. It never helps us to expect our counselor or fellow parent team members to assure us that our resentments are justified or that we ought to take aggressive action in the events of our lives.

Indeed, we learn to resist aggression from others by maintaining our dignity and poise. In short, what the program does for us, through professional counseling and the program's fellow parent participants, is to help us "change the way we look at our family problems." Recognizing more effectively how, "Every problem is an opportunity", and so on.)

If I complain about something another person has done in my family, I might receive constructive feedback as to what I can do in the future to both improve my own attitude, then respond in acts of wisdom in the roles I represent in my family.

Today's Reminder
Parent Team meetings can be inspiring, interesting, enlightening, and even fun. But they are also dedicated to the serious business of making me into a confident, spiritually-oriented adult human being. If that is what I want, I will listen with an open mind, accept suggestions and put to good use what I learn.

"I pray to let nothing stand in the way of my learning about myself. This how I will truly grow in the process. This will become the foundational means where by I can positively influence the ones that I love."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 6th*

Have I been trying to live the things I'm learning in the Parent Team counseling and intervention program? Then, among other things, I must surely be learning to overcome any tendency to control others - the directing, scheming and manipulating that can only result in my own defeat.

I will not interfere with the activities of my spouse, and will correctly assume a healthy parenting stance with my children. As I, they each must experience their own natural consequences for decisions they make each day. Within the roles of spouse and empowered parent, I will not dysfunctionally rescue nor nag to make my points in forms of manipulation to the ones I love.

Today's Reminder
Here is a vivid picture from the great novelist Tolstoy. It illustrates the kinds of situations we can sometimes create for ourselves:

"I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - "except by getting off his back."

"Teach me to leave to others their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave mine to me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 5th*

I went to counseling and parent team meetings, as many of us do, with an overwhelming desire to pour out my troubles, to talk, talk, talk. It was like a dammed up river that suddenly burst its banks. And, although it gave me some relief, it left behind an emptiness, a certain dissatisfaction.

Then one day I realized why this was. When I talk all the time, nothing new is being added to me. I am using the same old destructive thought material that has kept me at a standstill for so long.

To absorb new ideas, I keep my lips closed and my ears open. I spend more of my time listening, as well as listening to audio assignments and watching videos that are recommended to me for assignments. I find all this gives me new perspectives on my problems, so that solutions come more easily.

Today's Reminder
The meetings I attend, and the assignments given to me, are a wellspring of helpful thoughts; if I don't listen to them, I will not receive the benefits that could greatly help me. Constant talking could deprive me of the help I am seeking.

"I pray to be reminded that the counseling and group meetings I attend can provide important gifts for me. I can receive them only by speaking reasonably regarding myself, then hold my peace and letting others talk."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time With Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI (2-10)]

*September 4th*

As I uncover and face my own shortcomings, my many good qualities will be revealed to me, too, reminding me that they have the same reality as my faults. Let me appreciate them, for they not only "off-set" the faults, but give me a foundation on which to grow. If I recognize that I am kind, tolerant, generous, honest, patient - let me delight in these constructive qualities. They make it possible to accept myself as a friend; they are mighty allies in eliminating the shortcomings that are roadblocks to my serenity.

Today's Reminder
It is just as self-deceptive to discount what is good in us as to justify what is not. This is false humility, which is as hampering as arrogance! The purpose of examining our characters - with as much honesty and detachment as possible - is not to exaggerate guilt for what we lack, but to use the good to overcome the faults.

"Let me learn to understand myself first; that will occupy me so fully that I will have no time nor thought to analyze and criticize my spouse, my family and other people around me."

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 3rd*

I should look to myself. What is it that "I’m" doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones that are close to me? Could it be that I’m trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else? In my readings I am encouraged to examine "my" impulses, motives, actions and words. This helps me to correct the causes of my own unease and not blame it on others.

Today’s Reminder
At first, the idea that we might be at fault isn’t easy to accept. We find it hard to believe that our behavior isn’t all it should be.

Once I overcome the habit of justifying everything I do, and make use of such tools as courtesy, tenderness and a warm interest in others, miracles will happen.

"If you cannot make yourself what you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person exactly to your wishes? We want to see others perfect, yet our own faults go unattended"
(Thomas A’Kempis)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Alinon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]

*September 2nd*

The time has come for me to realize that my attitude, toward the life I am living and the people in it, can have a tangible, measurable effect on what happens to me day by day. If I am expecting good, good will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in warm response. Awareness of others - "a tolerant uncritical awareness" - will gradually change my personality for the better.

Today's Reminder
If I try each day to put my point of view and my attitudes on a sound spiritual basis, I know it will change all the circumstances of my life for the better also. I will see the results in the way other people respond to me and in the way my daily needs are met. Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." (The Gospel of Matthew)

[Taken and fashioned from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon"
for general family relationships by Jim Hogue, MA, MFTI]