From Crackle:
*November 28th* (with video)
HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE LOVE?
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we
feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we
hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to
communicate the idea in other words.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really,
these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important
to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say,
and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.
And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so
strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we
really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all
and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are
saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more
often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous
insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are
expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though
the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you.
Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we
must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it
is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his
room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to
do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son
unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father
confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger,
but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger.
"I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care
about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways-with birthday gifts, and little notes,
with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by
just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking
out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not
listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand
the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use
tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not
understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other.
They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that
accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen
only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that
is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently
we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Listen for love and we will find that the world is a
very loving place after all.
*******
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we
feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we
hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to
communicate the idea in other words.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really,
these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important
to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say,
and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.
And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so
strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we
really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all
and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are
saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more
often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous
insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are
expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though
the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you.
Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we
must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it
is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his
room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to
do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son
unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father
confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger,
but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger.
"I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care
about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways-with birthday gifts, and little notes,
with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by
just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking
out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not
listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand
the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use
tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not
understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other.
They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that
accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen
only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that
is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently
we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Listen for love and we will find that the world is a
very loving place after all.
*******
*November 27th* (with video)
Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "NO ADMITTANCE." When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing.
Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage. In horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."
At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit. Keep Playing." Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obbligato.
Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was mesmerized. The young boy we see and hear playing the piano now on the video provided, could well have been the mother's son some time after that grand experience.
Remember, providence is also involved in the raising of your children. There is God, and there are others to support you. Think of this often. As you do so, be strong, moment by moment, and perform your task of parenting with hope, faith, and great diligence.
*****
*November 26th* (with video)
Watch video, then read today's writing.
This video will also be in the "Teen Daily Reading".
(Perhaps not appropriate for younger children.)
*******
This video remarkably depicts the complicated effects of "enmeshment" in relationships. Seems today we cannot seem to bond in friendship or intimate love, without "losing our identities in the other". However, this only cripples us as individuals, and limits us from being what we can for others, ourselves and God.
We parents can easily become enmeshed in those around us, as our children also become enmeshed in systems of the world that support them in defiance against we parents.
Here are two outlines which briefly define enmeshment from a "family" perspective.
[Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
This video will also be in the "Teen Daily Reading".
(Perhaps not appropriate for younger children.)
*******
This video remarkably depicts the complicated effects of "enmeshment" in relationships. Seems today we cannot seem to bond in friendship or intimate love, without "losing our identities in the other". However, this only cripples us as individuals, and limits us from being what we can for others, ourselves and God.
We parents can easily become enmeshed in those around us, as our children also become enmeshed in systems of the world that support them in defiance against we parents.
Here are two outlines which briefly define enmeshment from a "family" perspective.
[Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
*November 25th* (with video)
A person once remarked that the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don't know what we want. We think we're dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act toward us. He suggested that each person dig down deep to see what we really feel would bring us contentment.If this self-searching reveals only that we are disgruntled because we feel we deserve a better car, a bigger house or more money, we must dig still deeper for the real cause. Is it envy of others? Is it our inability to enjoy fully what we do have? Do we, in defense of our own shortcomings, look for excuses to blame others?
I can find serenity only by rooting out my discontent. I must acknowledge to myself the real reasons why I react as I do. Am I doing my share? If not, my dissatisfaction may be due to unrecognized guilt. Is it difficult for me to feel and express appreciation? I will try to develop a sense of gratitude. Do I expect others to behave according to my expectations?
It really adds up to this: That we're not satisfied with ourselves, and we can certainly do something about that."
[Taken from "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon",
and improvised by Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
*November 24th* (with video)
How to bake a cake:1. Preheat oven; get out utensils and ingredients.
2. Remove blocks and toy autos from table.
3. Grease pan, crack nuts.
4. Measure two cups of flour, remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby, re-measure flour.
5. Put flour, baking power, and salt in sifter.
6. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on the floor. Get another bowl
7. Answer doorbell
8. Return to kitchen, remove baby's hands from bowl. Wash baby.
9. Answer phone.
10. Return.
11. Remove one-fourth inch salt from greased pan. Look for baby.
12. Grease another pan.
13. Answer telephone.
14. Return to kitchen and find baby. Remove his hands from bowl.
15. Take up greased pan and find layer of nutshells in it. Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.
16. Return contents to bowl, mix and place in cooking pan.
17. Have baby watch you place cooking pan in 375 degree oven. While doing so, hold baby a safe distance from oven.
18. Give baby a bath, and change clothes.
19. Take cake from oven and let cool while changing baby's diaper.
20. Wash kitchen floor, table, walls, dishes.
21. Hold baby and feed the baby the cake.
22. Watch your baby smile. Let yourself feel affection.
Remember, there is no vocation in life so great as being a parent. God bless you!!!
[Source unknown. Improvised by Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
*******
*November 23rd* (with video)
This was the family of the well known concentration camp survivor, Ms. Corrie ten Boom. In her book "The Hiding Place", she relates the story of a conversation she once had with her father while traveling:"'Father, what is sex sin?'
My father turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor.
'Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?' he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.
'It's too heavy,' I said.
'Yes,' he said. 'And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.'
And I was satisfied. More than satisfied -- wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions -- but now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."
Here we see Corrie ten Boom posing in the very room where she and her family found "a hiding place" until they were finally captured and placed in a concentration camp during World War II.
For more information on her life, click on:
"The Secret Room", The Story of Corrie ten Boom
Perhaps we all agree we have much to be thankful for. By this same principle, the energy and insight we exercise to parent our children, no matter how difficult the task may be at times, is well worth our effort in the end.
Note also how Ms. Boom's trust in her father as a youth to answer for her the question, "What is sexual sin?", is a good example for parenting today. Contrary to what is taught in our society, our children do not have to know "everything" that is in the world before they are of an age to properly understand them. The "umbrella of parental authority" can be a place of safety until the child is mature, and governed by his or her own conscience and established morality.
[Jim Hogue, MA, MFT]
*******
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