Watch video, then read writing. (The writing is a second way to read this interesting poem.)
*****
Blind Men and the Elephant (a.k.a., "Blindmen") (by John Godfrey Saxe)
(American poet John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887) based this poem, "The Blind Men and the Elephant", on a fable that was told in India many years ago. It is a good warning about how our sensory perceptions can lead to misinterpretations.)
It was six men of Indostan To learning much inclined, Who went to see the Elephant (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation Might satisfy his mind
The First approached the Elephant, And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: “God bless me! but the Elephant Is very like a wall!”
The Second, feeling of the tusk, Cried, “Ho! what have we here So very round and smooth and sharp? To me ’tis mighty clear This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a spear!”
The Third approached the animal, And happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, Thus boldly up and spake: “I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant Is very like a snake!”
The Fourth reached out an eager hand, And felt about the knee. “What most this wondrous beast is like Is mighty plain,” quoth he; “ ‘Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!”
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said: “E’en the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan!”
The Sixth no sooner had begun About the beast to grope, Than, seizing on the swinging tail That fell within his scope, “I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant Is very like a rope!”
And so these men of Indostan Disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion Exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong!
Moral:
So oft in theologic wars, The disputants, I ween, Rail on in utter ignorance Of what each other mean, And prate about an Elephant Not one of them has seen!
I’ve been working on being a more light-hearted parent: less nagging, more laughing. Here are some tips—many suggested by friends—that have helped.
1. At least once a day, make each child helpless with laughter.
2. Folk wisdom holds that unless you want to do something every day, never do it three times in a row (In the same day). ...
3. Sing in the morning. It’s hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone—particularly in my case, because I’m tone deaf and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.
4. Get enough sleep. It’s so tempting to stay up late, to enjoy the peace and quiet. But 6:30 a.m. comes fast.
5. I’m often crabby with my children when I’m actually annoyed with myself. I forgot to buy more diapers for the Little Girl, so I snap at the Big Girl. Because I’m not good at concealing crankiness, I try to avoid feeling cranky by getting organized the night before, making sure I’m not rushed, etc.
6. I’ve been researching the “hedonic treadmill”: people quickly adapt to new pleasures or luxuries, so it takes a new pleasure to give them a jolt of gratification. As a result, I’ve cut back on treats and impulse buys. The ice-cream sandwich or the Polly Pockets set won’t be an exciting treat if it isn’t rare.
7. Most messages to kids are negative: “stop,” “don’t,” “no.” So I try to cast my answers as “yes.” “Yes, we’ll go as soon as you’ve finished eating,” not “We’re not leaving until you’ve finished eating.” It’s not easy to remember to do this, but I’m trying.
8. One friend prods his children into cleaning their rooms by telling them, “I’m going to clean your room unless you want to.” They can’t stand the thought of him messing with their stuff, so they take over. The Big Girl doesn’t care if I clean up her room, so this threat doesn’t make her do any cleaning, but then at least she can’t protest at how I’ve done it.
9. Repetition works with kids, so use the school mantras: “Sit square in your chair;” “accidents will happen,” “you get what you get, and you don’t get upset” (i.e., when cupcakes or shakers or whatever are handed out, you don’t keep trying to switch).
10. Make up your own mantras. A friend told me he was yelling at his kids too much, so he distilled all rules of behavior into four key phrases: “keep your hands to yourself”; “answer the first time you’re asked”; “ask first”; and “stay with us” (his kids tended to bolt).
11. Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.”
12. When I find myself thinking, “Soon, no more stroller,” or “Soon, no more high chair,” I remind myself how fleeting this is. All too soon the age of Cheerios and the Tooth Fairy will be over. The days are long, but the years are short.
We all want a peaceful, cheerful, even joyous, atmosphere at home—but we can’t nag and yell our way to get there. It's taking me a lot of effort to alter my parental habits, but even minor changes have made a big difference. So think about ways, like those listed above, to cut back on the shouting and to add moments of laughing, singing, and saying “yes.”
Website: http://www.gretchenrubin.com
Biography ABOUT ME I'm Gretchen Rubin.
I started out as a lawyer. At Yale Law School, I was editor-in-chief of the Yale Law Journal and won a writing prize. I went on to clerk for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the U.S. Supreme Court.
I had a great experience in law, but I realized that what I really wanted to do was to write. Since making the switch, I’ve published four books. I’m currently working on The Happiness Project. It will hit the shelves in late 2009 (HarperCollins).
Raised in Kansas City, I now live in New York City with my husband and two young daughters.
My only hobbies are reading and writing—and helping other people clean out their closets. I’m left-handed, terrible at sports, tone-deaf, a constant hair-twister, and afraid to drive. I talk to my parents and my sister all the time, and I live around the corner from my in-laws.
EMAIL ME grubin[at]gretchenrubin[dot com] (I added brackets to thwart spammers, but just use the usual email format.)
ABOUT MY BOOKS Most recently, PROFANE WASTE, a collaboration with artist Dana Hoey, examines the question of why owners choose to destroy their own possessions—and take great pleasure in doing so.
My bestselling FORTY WAYS TO LOOK AT WINSTON CHURCHILL and FORTY WAYS TO LOOK AT JFK are brief, unconventional biographies that explore the lives of these two great leaders and, at the same time, examine the limits of biography.
POWER MONEY FAME SEX: A USER'S GUIDE is biting social criticism in the form of a user’s manual.
I’ve talked to Matt Lauer on the Today Show and to Brian Lamb on Booknotes, been profiled in the New Yorker’s Talk of the Town, and done radio shows from the Leonard Lopate Show to Talk of the Nation to Voice of America. I’ve gotten starred reviews from Publishers Weekly and Kirkus. My first book was optioned by brilliant Hollywood writer Shawn Ryan (creator of The Shield and executive producer of The Unit).
I’ve also written three terrible novels that are safely locked in a desk drawer.
VIDEO REVIEW Watch video, then read the short writing. (This video and writing will also be in the "selected children and teen portion for today.)
*****
To begin with, let's admit to a dirty little secret, "Everybody" has an anger problem under various, specific and particular circumstances. Only with some people, anger in their lives is obvious, while with others, anger is contained, controlled and masked, often through power or position, in thier jobs, family and ongoing relationships. ... Passive anger versus aggressive anger.
Anger is not emotion, it is instead a "combination of emotion plus logic" that too often results in "illogic" and illogical reactions. Yet, as our video shows us today, in its corrupting forms of harming ourselves and others, anger is instinctively used by we people to avoid awareness of emotion, weakness, pain and loneliness inside us.
Let us not ignore what is inside us. Instead we can listen very closely, then know what is behind our sometimes harsh responses.
Do you ever stop to remember the people who have loved you in your life? People who have appreciated you and valued you. Don't kid yourself, there "have been"and "are" those times and those people. Only we who are human tend not to take time to remember, we so often remember only what is negative, all the while we thirst for the memories, the words, that were good. Why do we too often batter ourselves with guilt, and measure ourselves in expectations beyond our limits?
Remember every moment of your life when someone said something of you that was good and true. They are moments you need to think of sometimes, because as you know, the world can be cold, cruel, confusing, and often, very, very negative.
Let the memories, the good ones, melt into your heart. Plant them, let them seed. grow and flourish, ... to give you strength. When you do this, and never stop, you will feel strength, a good strength inside you.
After this, again and again, look to see who around you needs something good and true said about them. When you tell that woman, that man, that boy or girl those true things that are good about them, tell them also to not forget the moment.
[Jim Hogue, MA, MFT ]
*******
This same writing and video will also be in today's "Selected Child And Teen Reading", because of the significance of this specific message.
"Each day as you wake up, make the decision to strive to do what's right.
Approach your life as you would your game....
...when you make a mistake, learn from it, correct it, and get ready for the next point. Life moves too fast to sulk and dwell on the past.
...when you're down, fight harder to get back on top. Life is full of hardships. Fight hard against those feelings of despair. ...when you're doing everything right and still can't win, be patient. No matter how good we are or how hard we struggle to make the right decisions, life often makes us wait.
...when you are on top of your game, relax and enjoy it. Life is fully appreciated when we survive adversity and can relax in the sunlight of success.
Each sunrise brings a new opportunity. No matter how bad the day before was, today is brand new. When you wake up, seek the strength and courage to do the right thing."
As a mom or dad, a wife or husband, do you ever feel weak, having doubt that you can be as strong as you must be at times? Certainly you do. We "all" do. Only some try to cover their vulnerabilities, their moments of poor confidence, pretending such experience does not exist.
But we, people who feel weak sometimes, are the very people God uses. - Uses to be the most loving and strong parents, spouses and teachers, at times when it really counts.
Don't be surprised if you have doubt at times. Only when you feel doubt, know, even in feeling it, that doubt will fly away and you will be strong again.
In this world there are so many experts. - "Experts" on how you should live your life, ... and how you should parent your children. But what rings true to what you feel inside you?
Don't fear doubt when it comes. Look back at your life, past events when you survived when you thought you would not. But you did, ... rather remarkably I might add.
In parenting sometimes we must be loving, sometimes strong, holding to principles that are proven truth.
Understand it is not all up to you, but do what you can one day at a time, in quiet and certain confidence.
This video from the Parent Digest library has proven valuable to many parents. As a result, please review it today, and read the writing afterwards. (This video will also be provided for the selected child/teen reading on this date.)
*****
Mom and dad, recall if it is not a fact that you have been manipulated and controlled in the past in the precise manner here explained by Counselor Connie Podesta. Possibly by others, but especially likely by children of all ages who want their own way at all costs.
Connie says, "Difficult people are great actors." ... "Difficult people have an act." ... "Knowing this, we can have control of who will treat us this way, and who will not."
Let me add, when a group of loving adults band together to hold angry youth accountable, we will succeed practically 100% of the time. This is what we do in the "Parent Team Intervention Program." As a team, we see that a boy or girl s rage or pretended victimhood, is only an act. In time (and not too long), each kid realizes that together, we are smart enough to see through a game when it is played.
Stop allowing yourself to be dominated and confused, either aggressively or passively. Remember, "you" are the parent. Hold that sacred position in love, strength and insight. Your rebellious young one will be better for it.
(American poet John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887) based this poem, "The Blind Men and the Elephant", on a fable that was told in India many years ago. It is a good warning about how our sensory perceptions can lead to misinterpretations.)
The First approached the Elephant,
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
The Third approached the animal,
The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
The Sixth no sooner had begun
